Hey, it's me!

To be or not to be…a question I would often think before making a decision. But that was before. If there’s one thing I have come to realized as I grew older, that is you can never please everybody.

Learning it though was not easy. In my younger years, most people expected me to always do well and be on top. After all, you’re a “First Honor”…HAH! “Pasensiya na, hindi ako PERFECT!” It was difficult and the pressure was just so stressing. I felt that I am always afraid of making mistakes…even just that simple classroom activity of who will get to the front first by answering teacher’s questions made me shiver, “What if I didn’t get first? Embarrassing!” And yes, I seldom raised my hand to answer for I might give the wrong one. Tsk! Tsk! Then came high school and college…somehow, I have come to terms with myself that this is “me” yet, I still have not fully trashed that thinking of “what other people will think?” Not in the honor list…no “magna” or “summa”…and a title before my name!

Yes, it was crazy!
And it was that shallow!

Until one day, it just dawned on me. Why think of what others are saying or thinking, if you are happy and content?

Exactly. Happy and content. No, I’m not ”sourgraping“. I am happy of what I have achieved and what I have become just as I am happy for what my friends and colleagues had achieved and become. I just felt that the hardships in my life I’ve gone through are experiences some of my colleagues may not ever go through (not that I pray they will!). And I am thankful to be given those problems and passing through them.

And those, made me the person I am today.

It has made me realized that simple living is not bad! It has made me appreciate the little things that come everyday…A shared sachet of Nescafe and Coffeemate (yes, that small sachets as we don’t have extra for that luxury!) with my sisters in the morning plus all the laughter make it taste more like a Starbucks Cappuccino! A shared boiled banana “dipped in” brown sugar while its raining cats and dogs outside (and inside, with all the holes in the roof!) your house…A Chippy-moment with mama and sis’s while watching a horror flick (on borrowed TV and CD player!)…Playing “Adventure Island”, “1942” and “Galaga” in the ever-dependable, old-computer game player with my “Tatay”…Nothing beats a “tagay moment”, with people at home, of a bottle of “Lapad” mixed with Mountain Dew with Boy Bawang…and my list can just go on and on and on.

Yes, I may not have become the person what other expected me to be but I am not afraid of what they think of anymore. I know that I should be happy with everything that’s coming in my life…and I AM.

Life has not been perfect for me and problems, I’m sure will still come…today, I just pray and hope for a better life not exactly, full of “riches” but just enough for my family – mom and sisters, especially – to experience a more “normal” life. I pray for richness in health so we could live longer and continue to enjoy those little things which are actually, big blessings to us…

This is me. Let’s drink to that! (Take that Tanduay out!!!)