Saddest Day of My Life

Sisters parting from each other …saying “goodbyes”, may it be just for a moment…situations that comes after all fails because of a hard life…scenes from movies that would always make me cry yet, I never thought nor dream it would happen to us.
Fate can be sometimes cruel especially for those who are already down.
Life can be so unfair yet…
I never wanted this to happen.
I felt it has all been my responsibility and I FAILED.
Nothing’s more important to us than by being together especially with our youngest sib, Dicky. But we have to do what’s best for her and that is to sacrifice being far from each other.
SACRIFICE.
Almost all of our lives have been spent sacrificing. And I am tired and feel sorry for my family especially sisters. I went to a foreign land and sacrifice being far from family but it’s not that easy…and it didn’t come fast for me to recover and help back home…and I feel guilty about it.
Though it’s just for now, I still can’t accept the fact that my family is falling apart…and I have not done anything about it.
I am tired of crying…thinking…I don’t know what else to do…
TIRED. So tired…

“I promise to bring us together again…never mind if I go through the hardships of life, I just want my family to be intact…Eat at the same table…live under the same roof. I know God has all the reasons why these happen thus, I believe He will make everything possible to work for the best.

Strengthen me, Lord.
And take good care of my family, as You always do while we’re away from each other.
And in Your time…hear our prayers and bring this family back together.
I pray…Amen.”

A Place To Call Home

A place to call home
for mom and sisters
is what I dream.
Nothing fancy,
just simple
and comfortable…
a place to rest ,
a place to go
when everything else
has turned to become
a foe.
A place full of
care and love.
A place shared
for tears and laughs.
I hope and pray
that one day
it’ll come…
A place for mom and sisters
to go and call…
our home.

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

How do you break the heart of the one you love…or is it, the one you once loved?

Love triangle has always been a complicated matter…One you are leaving, the other is waiting.

Yet, you wouldn’t want to “hurt” the one you’re leaving but how? How do you say, it’s the end…End of your dreams…End of promises made. Sympathy will be hers. But you rather be honest than let him/her it up from other people…

And you say, it just happened. And it’s never been the other’s fault, who is also afraid for he/she knows you will both be hurting those around you.

Destiny…?

Complicated. Difficult. Never been easy…

Honestly, I myself don’t know how to answer the questions I’ve written and wouldn’t dream of being in the situation, least be the one facing it.

Now, you’ll ask me…if I’ll be the one to be left…I can never imagine! I’ll die!

A friend who is in this situation...

Confuse...Sad…Very sad, difficult situation.

Mantra

Tired...

aching body...gotta sleep...

Stressed out...'want to weep!

Work! 'Cannot stop...

GOD, help!

...make me more tough.

Songs of Forgotten Years

SONGS.

Songs can make me cry. Blame it to the "sentimental-me"...but you have to agree that there are just songs that speaks truly of what we feel...of what we're going through, right?

Here are some songs that speaks of how it has been...once upon a time. ;)

BUTTERFLY by Mariah Carey

When you love someone so deeply They become your life It’s easy to succumb to overwhelming fears inside Blindly I imagined I could Keep you under glass Now I understand to hold you I must open up my hands And watch you rise
Spread your wings and prepare to fly For you have become a butterfly Fly abandoned into the sun If you should return to me We truly were meant to be So spread your wings and fly Butterfly
I have learned that beauty Has to flourish in the light Wild horses run unbridled Or their spirit dies You have given me the courage To be all that I can And truly feel your heart will Lead you back to me when you’re Ready to land
Spread your wings and prepare to fly For you have become a butterfly Fly abandonedly into the sun If you should return to me We truly were meant to be So spread your wings and fly Butterfly
I can’t pretend these tears Aren’t over flowing steadily I can’t prevent this hurt from Almost overtaking me But I will stand and say goodbye For you’ll never be mine Until you know the way it feels to fly
Spread your wings and prepare to fly For you have become a butterfly Fly abandonedly into the sun If you should return to me We truly were meant to be So spread your wings and fly Butterfly
Spread your wings and prepare to fly For you have become a butterfly Fly abandonedly into the sun If you should return to me We truly were meant to be So spread your wings and fly Butterfly So flutter through the sky Butterfly Fly Spread your wings and fly Butterfly ...

Don't Give Up On Us by David Soul

Don't give up on us, Baby Don't make our love seem light The future isn't just one night It's written in the moonlight And painted on the stars We can't change ours

Don't give up on us, Baby We're still worth one more try I know we put a last one by Just for a rainy evening When maybe stars are few Don't give up on us, I know We can still come through

I really lost my head last night You've got a right to start believing There's still a little love left, even so Don't give up on us, BabyLord knows we've come this far Can't we stay the way we are? The angel and the dreamer Who sometimes play a fool Don't give up on us, I know We can still come through...

I'll Be Over You by Toto

Some people lives their dreams Some people close their eyes Some people's destiny Passes by
There are no guarantees There are no alibis That's how our love must be Don't ask why
It takes some time God knows how long I know that I can forget you
As soon as my heart stops breakin' Anticipatin' As soon as forever is through I'll be over you
Remembering times gone by Promises we once made What are the reasons why Nothin' stays the same
There were the nights Holdin' you close Someday I'll try to forget them

As soon as my heart stops breakin'Anticipatin' Someday I'll be over you
As soon as my heart stops breakin'Anticipatin' Someday I'll be over you
As soon as my heart...

Remember...

Here's one of my favorite poems. 'Really can't remember when and where I first found it but it's been a personal fave since I was in high school. A little sad though...read on!




REMEMBER
by Christina Georgina Rossetti

REMEMBER me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

A Prayer...

Dear Lord,

I thank you for this day. I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning. I'm blessed because You are a forgiving God and an understanding God. You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me. Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to you. I ask now for Your forgiveness.

Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude. Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my mind so that I can hear from You.

Please broaden my mind that I can accept all things.

Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over. Let me continue to see sin through God's eyes and acknowledge it as evil. And when I sin, let me repent, and confess with my mouth my wrongdoing, and receive the forgiveness of God.

And when this world closes in on me, let me remember Jesus' example -- to slip away and find a quiet place to pray. It's the best response when I'm pushed beyond my limits. I know that when I can't pray, You listen to my heart. Continue to use me to do Your will.

Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others. Keep me strong that I may help the weak. Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others. I pray for those who are lost and can't find their way. I pray for those who are misjudged and misunderstood. I pray for those who don't know You intimately. I pray for those who will delete this without sharing it with others. I pray for those who don't believe. But I thank you that I believe.

I believe that God changes people and God changes things. I pray for all my sisters and brothers. For each and every family member in their households. I pray for peace, love and joy in their homes that they are out of debt and all their needs are met.

I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than God. ! Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight. I pray that these words be received into the hearts of every eye that sees them and every mouth that confesses them willingly.

This is my prayer.

In Jesus' Name, Amen.

On Stage

Let me share with you a secret.
I have always wanted to perform on stage.

My dream started when I got in a ballet class under Ma’am Heidi. There I learned to love the stage. It’s on and off stage activities…the rehearsals that could make you cry as you have to repeat over and over again ‘til you get a dance perfect! The running and shouting backstage during actual performances and the applause as you do your courtesy!

Stage. Perform.

Would you know I even almost applied for a Theater Class in UP?!

A secret no more. A far-fetched dream?

Who knows?

June Bride

I never wanted to be called a "June Bride"...

My dream wedding would always happen in months of April...May...or December.

'Nothing against the month...I just don't like it.

But then...I just might become one.

Hey, it's me!

To be or not to be…a question I would often think before making a decision. But that was before. If there’s one thing I have come to realized as I grew older, that is you can never please everybody.

Learning it though was not easy. In my younger years, most people expected me to always do well and be on top. After all, you’re a “First Honor”…HAH! “Pasensiya na, hindi ako PERFECT!” It was difficult and the pressure was just so stressing. I felt that I am always afraid of making mistakes…even just that simple classroom activity of who will get to the front first by answering teacher’s questions made me shiver, “What if I didn’t get first? Embarrassing!” And yes, I seldom raised my hand to answer for I might give the wrong one. Tsk! Tsk! Then came high school and college…somehow, I have come to terms with myself that this is “me” yet, I still have not fully trashed that thinking of “what other people will think?” Not in the honor list…no “magna” or “summa”…and a title before my name!

Yes, it was crazy!
And it was that shallow!

Until one day, it just dawned on me. Why think of what others are saying or thinking, if you are happy and content?

Exactly. Happy and content. No, I’m not ”sourgraping“. I am happy of what I have achieved and what I have become just as I am happy for what my friends and colleagues had achieved and become. I just felt that the hardships in my life I’ve gone through are experiences some of my colleagues may not ever go through (not that I pray they will!). And I am thankful to be given those problems and passing through them.

And those, made me the person I am today.

It has made me realized that simple living is not bad! It has made me appreciate the little things that come everyday…A shared sachet of Nescafe and Coffeemate (yes, that small sachets as we don’t have extra for that luxury!) with my sisters in the morning plus all the laughter make it taste more like a Starbucks Cappuccino! A shared boiled banana “dipped in” brown sugar while its raining cats and dogs outside (and inside, with all the holes in the roof!) your house…A Chippy-moment with mama and sis’s while watching a horror flick (on borrowed TV and CD player!)…Playing “Adventure Island”, “1942” and “Galaga” in the ever-dependable, old-computer game player with my “Tatay”…Nothing beats a “tagay moment”, with people at home, of a bottle of “Lapad” mixed with Mountain Dew with Boy Bawang…and my list can just go on and on and on.

Yes, I may not have become the person what other expected me to be but I am not afraid of what they think of anymore. I know that I should be happy with everything that’s coming in my life…and I AM.

Life has not been perfect for me and problems, I’m sure will still come…today, I just pray and hope for a better life not exactly, full of “riches” but just enough for my family – mom and sisters, especially – to experience a more “normal” life. I pray for richness in health so we could live longer and continue to enjoy those little things which are actually, big blessings to us…

This is me. Let’s drink to that! (Take that Tanduay out!!!)